Laugh, Laugh, Laugh baby :)

1. A GOOD DATE

These three women were roommates. One night they all had gone
out on dates and they all came home at about the same time.

The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when
you come home with your hair all messed up."

The second one said, "No, you know you've been on a good date
when you come home with your makeup all smeared."

The third one said nothing, but reached under her skirt,
removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where
they stuck.
"Now THAT'S a good date!"


2. NEVER LIE TO A FEMALE

There was a guy sunbathing in the nude on the beach. He saw a little
girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he
was reading.
The girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?"
Thinking quickly, the guy replied, "A bird."
The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was
in the hospital in tremendous pain. The police asked him what happened.

The guy says, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dozed off and the next thing I know is I'm here."
The police went to the beach, found the little girl, and asked her, "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a pause, the girl replied,
"To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spit on me. So, I
broke its neck, busted its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"
Moral of the story
Never lie to a female............OF ANY AGE!!!


3. OBSESSIONS

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

4. COLLEGE DORM

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules, “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.Being caught the third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, “How much for a season pass?”